It’s finally December and with the holidays comes the never-ending reunions like family reunions and running into old acquaintances when visiting your hometown. Actually, it all starts with National High School Reunion Day aka Thanksgiving Eve, when every bar becomes an annual high school reunion. For those that took part in the ‘festivities’ last week, you probably know what I’m talking about—it means running into people you haven’t seen in forever and getting asked the same question on repeat.
So, what do you do now? What are you up to these days?
For the past couple of years I haven’t really known how to answer this question. With grad school, I was unsure about a lot of things –the status of my thesis, my exact graduation date, where I wanted to live post graduation. But this year was so much more unclear and my answers so much more foggy. What was I doing these days?
Well to be honest, I’ve been getting lost. Not just lost…but I’ve been actively getting lost.
You see, I now fully grasp that I was lost during grad school. Within the four cement walls of my atmospheric science building were disciplined minds attached to the black and white hallways. It was really difficult for me to understand how in a place with so much structure, I felt so lost. I couldn’t seem to find my place or my identity.
I’ve come to realize that it wasn’t necessarily about finding a place. Actually, I didn’t need to find anything at all. What I needed was to be searching. Wandering, experimenting, creating and testing. Seeking.
I needed to be searching outside of the classroom and immersing myself in how lost I was.
In recent months, every once in a while I choose to stay up all night working, writing or learning. These long nights don’t happen often, but I allow them sporadically because I recognize that there is value in this urge to stay up late working. I occasionally satisfy this desire when it comes because throughout the nighttime silence I am lost, and inspired.
I love getting lost. Even if it is in the tiniest way. Whether it is lost in a long night of work, or lost at a networking event with people you actually find intimidating, or lost on a date with a guy you realize you don’t quite like– it all has an effect one me. There are also those greater, defining moments one can get lost in too. Dive deep and you will find there is something beautiful in the uncertainty. You will find the assurance to take a situation as it is and make it your own.
Give yourself the chance to feel moments of feat, moments of awareness and moments of discovery. Don’t be scared if you go in circles a few times and feel dizzy. The only mistake you can make is the mistake of staying stagnant and not learning something.
You can explore in the smallest or grandest of ways. You don’t even need to go far. I found that while walking the same streets I’ve walked countless times, I’ll stumble across a minute detail– a street sign or a flower patch, something that I hadn’t noticed before. These flowers or street signs may have always been there, but all of a sudden are new and have captured my attention. This tells me that no matter how long I’m in in a place, if I am intentionally getting lost there will always be something new. There is always something new to learn, explore and discover, even while home. We want to pretend we know where we are but the truth is we all get a bit lost. We are all wandering, learning and evolving.
So, what have I been up to? I’ve been getting lost and will forever continue to keep getting lost.
What about you?
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