These days, I’ve had a lot of thoughts strumming through my mind.
Some days, I have felt like not enough and the thought of only being half daph to someone makes me shudder. It’s hard to put your hurt and confusion into words. It’s very human to want to pretty it up. I know because I’m sitting here, punching each key on the keyboard trying to make this sound all poetic. But being human isn’t always pretty; it doesn’t always look how we want. So today, I’ll just be a person with you. An honest one.
Some days I think I’ll forever be drifting, never anchoring anywhere—not to the arms of a man or a place that genuinely feels like home. I’ve seen how other people live, how they love and I wonder how they do it. I wonder why I haven’t found that. It’s easy for me to write their lives off as boring but frankly, thats just stemming from a tinge of envy. It does look comforting and calm in a way I’ve never known. I wonder if I’d squirm under something so solid, so consistent. Some of us find homes in places and people, and others drift; but perhaps, there is beauty in both? Who knows.
But these days, I’m reminded that all my jumbled, failed attempts to get affection from unlovable places are simply lessons in human form. These days, I know the best way to find love is by resting against my own backbone.
Some days I feel too soft for this world, overcome by the depths in which I feel. But other days, I am merely freckles and words. I am old love notes and tangled hair. I am chipped nail polish and clumsy moves. I am young— alive and butterfly stomached. I am grateful to feel so much— these days are much more vibrant because of it.
Some days are red lights, dead-ends and starless nights. But these days, I choose to fill myself with hope, grace and sparkling rooftops and face them with a glittering, brave heart.
That’s what I’m doing these days. I’m patching things together. Step by step. Word by word. And after every punctuation mark, I am choosing to bend, heal and grow.
